Yep, one more time with the birthday musings.
I don’t know why, but today I feel OLD. I felt old yesterday too, and I was only 63 then, so I’m not sure what the heck is going on. Up until now, I have not been one to think about age. I passed 30, 50 and even 60 without any visible (or invisible) angst. Age? “It’s only a number. It’s not how old you are, but how old you feel.” And I feel good – much younger than my calendar years. But somehow, turning 64 feels different. I feel different. My body feels different and my face looks different dammit. I do not like any of this and I no longer want to play the aging game. I didn’t even wear my birthday tiara to Starbucks this morning. Not like me at all. I’ll slip that purple sparkly crown on my head at every opportunity. Maybe this year I just need a little time before I’m ready to party. Time to think about where I’ve been. Who I’ve been. Who I’ve become, and how I got to right here. Strange as it sounds, I think I need to mourn just a wee bit. And then get over it. I know all the struggles and victories and lessons learned in the past have led me to this particular place at this particular moment in my life. And it is a very good place to be. It has been a life worthy of celebration. It’s just all passing a little too fast. And I can’t control that. I like to be in control. I’m not happy.
So, my gift to myself will be a little self-indulgence. Spending time. Looking back. Taking stock. Being grateful. Wondering what the future holds. But really, just getting back to being glad to be here ~ however damn old I am.
Tonight the kids are coming over to cook us a delicious vegan birthday feast and share the bounty from their garden. By then, I’ll be ready to get my party on. To toast a life pretty well lived and celebrate new adventures on the road ahead.
And in the words of Bessie Cooper who turned 116 two days ago, here’s the secret to longevity – Mind your own business and don’t eat junk food.