It’s a Bend in the road, not the end of the road

I’m hoping it’s just a phase, but for a while now I’ve been caught up short on more than one occasion with thoughts like “this is probably the last couch I’ll ever buy, or bed, or refrigerator or car… or whatever”.  It’s kind of creepy, and it’s been dragging me down.  I felt it again when my hubby joined the ranks of the formerly employed.  My first thought – this was his last “real” job.  It’s morbid and I know it’s not productive at all, but suddenly the road ahead seems much shorter and I KNOW WHERE IT ENDS.  Am I the only one who has started to see each bend in the road as a possible dead end?  I started this blog as a place to take out my thoughts for examination and they’re not all positive or pretty.   Fortunately, I do not dwell here, but the view from 60+ is very different from 30 or even 50.  I guess the good news is that the perspective might be better.  I’m hoping to find a wider view.  I’m looking for the learning here.  All this sudden awareness of mortality.  Mine and others.  What’s the point… and I’m sure there is one.  Just maybe by finding understanding, I’ll gain acceptance.  Que sera, sera is the attitude I’m looking to cultivate.  Grabbing the damn gusto for what is happening right now each day, each moment and savoring it.    The trick for me is to not hold on so tight to the wheel.  I’ve got my map and my compass and my need to control and oh yah, my worry. When what I really need is to loosen up, ride out the curves and quit worrying about the bends, or ends, or cul-de-sacs.   I cannot control the Road of Life.  It really is about the journey and I have a hard time remembering that.

More pondering required.


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